Ranking Every Type Of Tea By Poshness

Combining two favourite British pastimes: tea and strict social hierarchies.

The idea for this came about recently when I bulk ordered the Twinings “wellness collection” – boxes of individually packed little bags of dried bits of leaves and berries, named things like “Detox” and “Glow” by some effective but ultimately unimaginative marketing team.

My husband complimented the teas by saying “I didn’t think Twinings could make good tea”. I was stumped. Appalled, even. Here I was, thinking that Twinings is the posh brand. The expensive brand – at the height of supermarket post-pandemic price-gouging a box of Twinings Earl Grey was £10! I have a photo taken in outrage to prove it! And so we entered a long discussion over what constitutes a posh tea brand and what doesn’t. This is the result of that conversation, but with my husband’s opinions completely disregarded.

Without further ado, from least to most posh:

8. Supermarket brand black/non-specific tea

I don’t think anyone actually willingly buys these other than office managers working with very tight petty cash budgets. The supermarket doesn’t matter, but if its ASDA’s own brand then things are pretty dire. The only exception is if its the M&S own brand black tea, because what insane person does their regular shop at M&S?

7. Tetley/PG Tips

It’s not posh but that’s the point, it would call itself “Builder’s Tea” if it had the ability to speak. It’s proud not to be posh. It couldn’t think of anything worse than living in London or down South – it’s so busy and expensive there. No, it’s proper proud to not be posh.

6. Yorkshire Tea

It also is proudly not posh, aggressively so, except it’s from Yorkshire and can be found in multi-million pound designer homes overlooking the gorgeous Yorkshire dales. However its still from Yorkshire, therefore it couldn’t possibly be posh so don’t you dare suggest it.

5. Twinings English Breakfast

This may just be me but I think English Breakfast tea is just inherently not posh, unless you’re American.

4. Loose leaf tea from Fortnum and Mason

What are you, a tourist?

3. Teapigs Earl Grey/English Breakfast/”Everyday Brew”

£11 for 50 teabags of your everyday tea??? Not in this economic climate. Not posh, just poor money management.

2. Twinings Earl Grey

Sophisticated. Solidly middle class, even. You have taste and enjoy a subtler black tea. Also apparently this is the tea supplier to the Royal Family, but somehow I feel this actually makes it less posh and should be ignored. I feel like the posh/not posh categorisation in British culture is entirely nonsensical to foreigners but completely intuitive to natives, sort of like gendered nouns in other languages.

BONUS TRUE NEUTRAL: Yogi Tea

Idk if you’re buying your herbal tea blends from Holland and Barrett rather than a supermarket, then you’re probably largely outside of the confines of societal hierarchies (but not so far out that you don’t have a H&B rewards card). Also I would put the herbal Teapigs blends into this category.

And finally, the poshest tea you can drink: Tetley/PG Tips

Because if you’re really that posh then you have nothing to prove.